Here is a letter I wrote in response to the subject of baby education:
I can teach you all about babies.
Babies are tiny, they cry a lot, they poop in their pants and it stinks, and they don't know any calculus.
Do not attempt to take someone else's baby home. They may be small, but they are cute and they will be missed.
When babies first come out they look like they've been in a car accident. That changes, but it's a slow process. Even though they are really ugly, if you tell the parents that the baby looks like them, they will consider it the ultimate compliment. They go through a larval stage where they are pretty much worthless. During this stage, the mother will show you the baby and tell you how precious it is, and you have to agree, even when the mother is obviously biased or insane.
A mother's brain shrinks to the size of a walnut during the child's infancy. Their attention span is short and their idea of what is fascinating shrinks down to the point where each gurgle is "Breaking News!"
That's what I know about children.
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